I think writing is good for the soul and kind of therapeutic for me so I wanted to get down a few thoughts that have been on my mind lately and I can't help but get a little personal. I've had times in the recent weeks where I have felt completely overwhelmed by juggling everything on my plate with two young kids, keeping a household all together [forget about cleaning], my church calling, this blog and other work deadlines and then I get on social media and feel like I want to crawl in a hole and hide form everything. I totally let those feelings creep in that I'm not good enough, or pretty enough, or thin enough, or funny enough, or popular enough that add to my already overwhelmed and lonely self. It's hard to not let the world get to you. I mean since when did our self worth come down to how many likes or comments or followers we have?? And the fact that everyone feels like they know everything about you from one tiny square of a picture is pretty crazy. Life is hard sometimes and being a mom isn't easy. It's the hardest job without a lot of thank you's or praise most days. You are expected to be super woman half the time and magically do it all while keeping yourself together and looking like you get a full nights sleep every night. It's hard giving up so much of yourself and the career that I worked so hard for and the job that I love doing. All for a much dirtier job that doesn't offer a paycheck. So with a heavy heart I've tried to deal with my emotions every day and be the best that I can and not let those feelings of worthlessness creep in. But then this weekend I was totally uplifted and heard just what I needed to. We listened to General Conference at home today and so many of the words just spoke right to my soul and I cried during Elder Hollands talk. I loved what he said about mothers and that the reason why we do it is because the love we have for our children is the greatest love there is. And that's it right there. I love my kids more than anything and I would sacrifice anything for them. It's the closest love to knowing how much our Father in Heaven loves us. I feel so grateful that I was given this blessing of these two beautiful babes that I am so lucky to call mine everyday and I know that. It was amazing to be lifted up and to know that Heavenly Father hears and answers my prayers. I just wanted to share this with you so that you would know in those moments when you are tired and covered in spit up from your baby and haven't had time to wash your hair in a week, that you would know I am right there with you and we are all going through this together. We all have trials and moments when we feel pretty down on ourself. Life is hard and is not always picture perfect, but don't ever feel that you are inadequate because you don't have what you think everyone else has. You have something amazing to offer because you are different than everyone else.
The words of one of my favorite quotes came to my mind :
"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
[by Marianne Williamson]